As children get older, they are inevitably exposed to more content around relationships and consent from TV, movies, books, social media, and their peers. It’s important to continue speaking to them about healthy relationships and prevention as they grow!
Everyone has a different experience growing up. That’s why it’s so important to give yourself grace as a caregiver, and grace to the youth you’re talking to. Teen years are difficult. They mark a period of intense physical, emotional, and social change for young adults. During this time, teens are developing their identities, which can lead to anxiety about fitting in, making decisions, and facing the future. The pressure to conform can cause significant stress and negatively impact their self-image. Mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression, are common as teens navigate peer relationships, academic pressures, and independence. These combined factors make the teenage years a time of heightened vulnerability, where mental and emotional well-being is often put to the test.
By engaging in these conversations as soon as possible, children learn to understand and respect their own boundaries and those of others. This education in consent promotes emotional resilience and reduces anxiety. You’ll be helping your child build a positive self-image, which will be incredibly impactful to their mental health and well-being.
Below you’ll find some ways to engage your teen in conversations about consent and boundaries, along with some phrases to guide you.
1. TV, Movies, and Books. Oh My!
Ask your teen’s opinion on something happening on social media, in the news, in a movie, or on a TV show. Asking their opinion shows them that you value their point of view and opens up the door for more conversation. If the media gets something wrong, criticize it for its poor representation.
- “That movie we just watched had a scene that made me feel uncomfortable. What did you feel? I felt that scene showed sexual assault, do you know what sexual assault is?”
- “Have you heard about [current story in the media]? Do you have questions or want to talk about it?”
- “That boyfriend in the TV show we watched last night is pretty controlling of his partner. What did you think? How realistic is that? I saw this with my friends, is this still happening?”
- “The character in the movie made it seem like it was her fault she was assaulted, that’s just not right.”
2. “Back in my day…”
Sharing your own experiences can make these conversations feel more real to teens and offer an opportunity to connect. If you don’t have an experience you feel comfortable sharing, you can tell a story about someone you know! Just remember, this is a conversation between you and your teen. Do not turn this into a lecture.
- “When I was younger, I didn’t know anything about how to help my friend when they were in an unhealthy relationship. Do you know what to do if something like that happens?”
- “As a teenager, I didn’t learn about sex ed in school and it left me with a lot of questions when I started dating. Were there any things you wanted to talk more about?”
3. Be a Trusted Adult and Role Model
It’s so important for teens to have an adult they feel safe speaking with in case they need to confide something. Make sure that your teen knows that you won’t blame them or shame them for coming to you.
- Reinforce that sexual violence is never the survivor’s fault.
- If there’s a story about a sexual assault being covered, comment on how it’s never the survivor’s fault, no matter what.
- Show them that you respect their body boundaries.
- If they say they don’t want to be hugged, respect that. If they say a family member makes them uncomfortable by kissing them on the cheek, let them know you’ll speak to them so they stop.
- Open Door Policy
- Make sure your teen knows that you want them safe, and that if they ever feel like something is wrong they can go to you.
- You must understand that this doesn’t mean they will come to you, but don’t stop reminding them that you’re there for them! Having an open door is incredibly important. Let them come to you.
- “I’m here when you’re curious about your body or things you hear about at school. I promise not to judge your questions.”
- “You don’t have to talk to me now, it’s okay. I’m here whenever.”
These conversations are essential, even if it feels awkward. Open conversations help the young adults in your life understand their rights, respect others, and build healthy relationships. Your guidance will empower them to make safe, informed decisions, so don’t let the discomfort stop you!
As caregivers, guardians, family, and community members we know the young people in our lives are going to change the world. BARCC wants the world they grow into to be one free from sexual violence. With your help, we can make that happen.
BARCC offers free, confidential support services for survivors over the age of 12 and their caregivers. If you want to learn more about the services we provide, please visit barcc.org/help.
You can create a safer future for our children by making a donation at barcc.org/donate today.