It’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), which means it’s time to address the MYTHS and sort out the FACTS. There is a lot of misinformation about sexual violence and the people affected by it. You may have heard people in your life say these phrases or you may have thought them to be true. As you read, we hope that your awareness will increase and you can join us in disbanding these myths.
Join the movement to end sexual violence this SAAM by educating yourself and others on the facts! Let’s talk about the myth of Stranger Danger.
MYTH: “I must be cautious and wary of strangers to protect myself from sexual violence.”
FACT: 8 out of 10 rapes are committed by someone the survivor already knows including dating partners, friends, and even family members.
MYTH: “If I teach my child about ‘Stranger Danger’ they’ll be safe from sexual violence.”
FACT: Among reported cases of child sexual abuse, 93% of people using violence knew the survivor. Which means more than 9 out of 10 child survivors knew the person that sexually abused them.
You CAN take action to protect the children in your life. One of the best ways to protect children is to give them the tools they need to understand consent.
It is crucial for anyone with children in their lives to start having conversations about healthy relationships and the importance of consent when they are young. Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, grandparent, guardian, or educator, you can teach children skills to recognize unsafe behavior and the language to express their own boundaries.
The concept of consent naturally shows up in kids’ lives, such as when they ask friends if they want to play. Helping kids to ask for consent builds a foundation for practicing consent in intimate relationships when they get older and provides them a model of safe behavior as children.
It is so important to create opportunities for children to learn that their boundaries should be respected. For example, try to get in the habit of asking permission, or explaining what you’re doing, before initiating touch.
When you’re talking about inappropriate touching, use the words “safe” and “unsafe” rather than “good” or “bad.” The words “good” and “bad” are tied to emotions. We don’t want children to think that they are bad for being touched in an unsafe way. Changing your language helps shift the blame away from the survivor and places it on the perpetrator where it belongs. It also keeps children from having to make a moral distinction about what is and is not appropriate. Children often think in a concrete way, so the use of the words “good” and “bad” can be confusing. If a child is molested for example, they may not say it was a “bad touch” if it physically felt good. This is why language is so important.
You can make a regular practice of asking children if anyone has touched them or spoken to them in a way that made them uncomfortable. Remind them that adults should never ask them to keep secrets.These conversations are important, even if it feels awkward for you. Your guidance will prepare them to recognize unsafe behavior and give them the words to explain it. It means that if someone does touch them in an unsafe way, they will be more likely to tell you quickly so that you can end any abuse or unsafe behavior they may be experiencing.
Lastly, words matter. As adults, we often find “cutesy” names for parts of the body when it comes to children, like “vee-vee” or “wee-wee.” Be direct when talking about anatomy and don’t use alternate phrases to refer to genitalia for children. Make sure they know the correct names for their body parts, like vulva and penis. Teach them to understand who is allowed to touch them and for what reasons.
Now that we’ve debunked the Stranger Danger myth, continue reading to learn the truth about other common myths/misconceptions about sexual violence.
Other Myths about Sexual Assault
MYTH: “We can’t end sexual assault.”
FACT: Sexual assault is 100% preventable. There are so many ways you can help prevent sexual violence, from stepping in as a bystander to volunteering with a local advocacy group and of course, by not sexually assaulting anyone. Together, we can end sexual violence. Join the movement today.
MYTH: “Because so many people have been sexually assaulted there must be a lot of people committing sexual assault.”
FACT: Most perpetrators are serial rapists, meaning that they choose to use coercion, violence, threats of force, etc., to assault multiple people throughout their lifetime.
MYTH: “You can’t sexually assault a sex worker.”
FACT: Consent or the lack of consent is what determines if something is sexual violence – not what someone does for a living. If a sex worker didn’t give their consent for a sex act, then it was an act of sexual violence. There is no such thing as “blanket” consent. Sex workers have the right to consent or deny consent to sexual acts. If someone is being sex trafficked, any sexual act committed is sexual violence. They have been forced or coerced into their actions, which means there is no consent.
MYTH: “People with disabilities are at low risk for sexual assault.”
FACT: People with disabilities are three times more likely to be sexually assaulted.
MYTH: “Men can’t be survivors of sexual violence.”
FACT: People of any gender can be survivors of sexual violence. One-third of men will experience physical sexual violence during their lifetime. The numbers are even higher for transgender and nonbinary people, with 47% experiencing sexual violence during their lifetime.
MYTH: “I know them. They’re not the type of person who assaults someone.”
FACT: There is no “one type” of person who commits acts of sexual violence. Sometimes, we have a specific image in our minds of “what type” of person causes harm, but that isn’t true. Just because you trust them, and they don’t fit the image you have in your mind, does not mean someone is incapable of sexual violence. Family members, teachers, friends, neighbors, and other trusted individuals may commit acts of sexual violence. It is deeply painful to confront such realities, but it is necessary if we are committed to addressing and ending sexual violence.
MYTH: “You can’t sexually assault your partner or spouse.”
FACT: If you’re married or in a relationship, you still need consent. 45% of female survivors and 29% of male survivors were raped by an intimate partner.
MYTH: “If they were wearing revealing clothing or behaving provocatively it means that they were ‘asking for it’.”
FACT: This shifts the blame on the survivor. A revealing outfit is not consent for sexual activity nor is flirtatious behavior.
MYTH: “They didn’t fight back or struggle, they must have wanted it.”
FACT: Just because someone doesn’t physically fight back, does not mean they were giving consent. People who use violence utilize many forms of coercion, threats, and manipulation to commit sexual violence. Many victims do not fight back because they are afraid or feel compelled to cooperate in order to survive or avoid some other form of punishment.
MYTH: “It’s impossible to experience an orgasm if it’s truly sexual assault.”
FACT: Unwanted sexual arousal or physical responses can occur when experiencing sexual violence. Gaining an erection or someone orgasming does not mean that the person consented or enjoyed it.
MYTH: “A lot of people lie about being assaulted.”
FACT: Only 2-10% of rapes are falsely reported, the same as other crimes. Sexual assault is an under reported crime, more than 2 out of 3 assaults go unreported.
MYTH: “Getting help is expensive for survivors.”
FACT: There are many organizations that provide free services to survivors, like the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center (BARCC). If you’re interested in receiving free and confidential support from BARCC, please visit our website.
Together, we can end sexual assault.
Ending sexual violence requires all of us. This SAAM, choose to stand up for survivors.
While SAAM is a great time to raise awareness for sexual violence, it can also be difficult for survivors to be surrounded by so much content about sexual violence. If you or a loved one need support this month, call BARCC’s 24/7 hotline at 800-841-8371 or send us a chat between 9 a.m.–11 p.m. to receive support and be connected with resources.
