It’s taken me a while to write these thoughts down.  They’ve been in my head for a while but I guess to put them on paper is to give them a shape, an existence, and to admit that they’re real.  I’d like to think that given all the time that has passed since my assault and all of the support I’ve received that I’ve recovered and that I am not affected by triggers anymore.  Instead I want to process things in an organized and clear fashion and be able to maintain control of both my emotions and reactions. I am able to do this for the most part, which could demonstrate the strength and progress I’ve made, however it could also contribute to how unexpected things hit me so hard.

A couple of months ago, I was spending my Saturday morning cruising around Facebook.  Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a friend recommendation from FB as I clicked on a link that my friend has posted.  When I returned to the news feed, the friend recommendations had changed so I couldn’t be sure of what I had seen.  However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had in fact seen the name of the person who had assaulted me.  Then I did what I probably never should have done: I searched his name and he popped up quickly as we already had two mutual friends.

I could feel my heart start to beat a bit faster as I thought about all the ramifications this could have.  Facebook was my domain, it had been for years.  I immediately felt possessive: I had been a part of this site for years, I was younger and had more connections, what right did this person have to come and invade this space?  I had worked hard for years to rid my physical space of this individual and did not like the idea of sharing a cyber world with him. 

My brain then flipped to questions of safety and privacy: if FB is recommending that I friend him then is it also recommending that he friend me?  Could he see my profile picture? Having control over my safety and privacy is extremely important in general – I have all my privacy settings on FB set to the max where the general public can’t search for me and I even limit some friends from seeing specific material. I grew anxious thinking of the fact that my picture could be appearing on the side of his page and what made it worse was that I didn’t have control over it.

I tried to come up with solutions that would leave me a sense of control over the situation.  My first reaction was to completely dismantle my FB account.  I know that I have a right to be there and it is actually an important way that I communicate with many of my friends and colleagues.  I hate that I thought to give up a very important mode of communication and self-expression because of his presence.  To remove myself from the space was something that the old me would have done and I want to believe that I’m stronger than that version of myself.  I would love to reach a time where these thoughts don’t enter my head.  At the same time, I rarely encounter a situation where we will occupy the same space.  Perhaps this means my initial reflex will always be to remove myself and that is something I will have to work through each time. 

Once I talked myself into keeping my Facebook account, I tried to figure out other options for how to deal with the situation.  I thought of ignoring it completely but that wouldn’t address any of my initial safety concerns.  I thought of blocking him but then I was concerned about not knowing how many mutual friends we had.  What if he saw a post of mine on someone’s wall and I didn’t even that person was a mutual friend? It was a cycle of “what if” scenarios and then trying to re-convince myself that I had a right to the space.
Ultimately I ended up blocking him.  However, this decision wasn’t made that day.  It was made after several weeks where I checked to make sure that we didn’t gain any other mutual friends. 

Knowing that he is there is still nerve-wracking and I would prefer to know that both my physical and cyber worlds are safe.  I doubt that I am the only survivor with this issue and am also certain that it can be much more serious for other survivors.  When we think about the fact that often times people are assaulted by people they know, then we can safely assume that they likely share similar online, in addition to physical, worlds.  I would argue that there is even less control in cyber spheres over who can be present as there is very rarely someone moderating the space.  Many people assume there is a certain degree of safety involved since their is little to no physical proximity.  Additionally, survivors may feel forced to disclose to all of their friends in order to justify removing the perpetrator from the online space.  This is a lot to expect from survivors as many don’t tell anyone they know or may only tell a few close friends.  Therefore it may be left to the survivor to either ignore the person or to defriend anyone they have in common in order to avoid any interactions.  I certainly didn’t feel comfortable asking the mutual friends I had to defriend him, as I have done in previous situations to ensure we weren’t in the same physical space.  I don’t know how much stronger my reaction would have been if we had more friends in common. 

There are many survivors who constantly have to interact with their perpetrators every time they log online.  Perhaps it is through wall postings, group messages, photos, comments on articles, or through social media sites other than Facebook.  It can be just as difficult and feel just as unsafe to confront a person online as it is in the physical world.  There can be the same type of repercussions from the individual(s) and mutual friends.  These risks and experiences could force survivors out of these communities and forums because of the way they’re treated and how they feel.

I had never thought in depth about the relationship between sexual violence, survivors, and perpetrators before this happened.  I’ve used FB to share messages or news articles and to spark conversation about sexual violence but never truly thought about how the site can actually do harm to a survivor’s recovery process.  Ultimately, I think that I have learned a lot from this experience both through self-reflection and in seeing the limitless ways that survivors can be impacted or triggered.

WRITTEN BY: A member of the BARCC Survivor Speaker's Bureau

CROSS POSTED FROM HUFFINGTON POST

Last week, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta lifted the ban preventing female soldiers from officially serving in combat -- a decision that raised the urgency on efforts to address the festering crisis of sexual assault within the U.S. military. That crisis -- which claimed more than 50 victims of sexual assault a day in the latest year of Defense Department data -- is the subject of the Oscar-nominated 2012 documentary Invisible War. In this series, The Huffington Post invites victims and advocates to speak out about sexual assault in the military.

Sexual violence is a prevalent problem within every community and environment. Each year thousands of people -- females, males and transgender individuals -- are impacted by rape or sexual assault. Across different communities, survivors often encounter similar obstacles and barriers. The social stigma attached to rape and sexual assault can cause survivors to feel shame, self-blame or guilt for what they experienced, and many survivors also find it extremely difficult to report and seek resources because of taboos, fear of repercussions from friends and family, the need for privacy, and a variety of other barriers. In these respects and many others, the military is no different than other communities. The Department of Defense estimates that over 19,000 service members, both male and female, are raped or sexually assaulted each year, however, only about 3,000 are reported.

Despite those similarities, key differences exist around the issue of military sexual assault. The structure and organizations of the military are very different than in the civilian world and it can be difficult to navigate, or even understand, the options, resources, and legal process unless you are directly involved with the system. Despite my previous years of work and education in the anti-sexual violence field, when I started as a Sexual Assault Response Coordinator for the U.S. Navy, I entered a new world with its own language, processes, values, and customs. In order to do my job effectively, I had to learn a how to maneuver in this new world. I had to learn a new legal code, how to operate within the chain of command, and how to interact with the different players involved. It was complicated and confusing to explain to people outside of the military the structure and barriers that many survivors faced in order to make a report.

The people who I've talked with at film screenings and the countless blog posts and comments that I read after The Invisible War's release had similar reactions and responses: there were feelings of overwhelming anger and frustration toward the system and feelings of compassion and support for the survivors who told their stories. People expected that the military would have the structure and the resources to protect and provide for their own service members. The high number of incidents of sexual violence, which are predominantly perpetrated by fellow service members, runs counter to the assumptions that many people hold about the military: namely, that it protects the people giving their time, efforts, and lives to defend and serve this country.

In the military, one's unit is akin to one's family as building relationships, establishing trust, and supporting one another is integral to cohesiveness and successfully accomplishing the mission at hand. Therefore sexual violence in a unit has effects similar to incest. Your unit is supposed to be composed of people you can trust unconditionally and rely on in life-threatening situations. To have that trust shattered can destroy the entire unit. One of the key shifts that the military (and any community) needs to make is shifting the energy to stopping that sexual violence from occurring in the first place, rather than silencing or shunning the survivor who experienced it.

One of the benefits of The Invisible War is that it was able to bring both military culture and the issue of military sexual assault into a setting and format where the general population could understand the colossal problem of military sexual assault, where the system is lacking, and the major issues that survivors face. In addition to raising awareness and understanding, the film was able to inspire and propel people to action.

As an organization, the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center has worked to promote awareness around The Invisible War and to provide services both for military survivors and providers. BARCC has supported several screenings of the documentary at a variety of locations, including community screenings, a military base, and at colleges. Our established relationships with neighboring military bases allow for the opportunities to provide resources to military survivors and assist military providers with trainings and other awareness and prevention work. We are grateful for the opportunities and discussions that have been created by The Invisible War and look forward to the additional work and efforts we can make on this important issue.

Many aspects of the military system have to be changed from within and therefore it can be frustrating for people who want to take action. The Invisible War provides tangible and feasible action items for people to undertake. Even in the short time since the film's release, these action steps have evolved to reflect the ongoing work and progress that has already taken place. Continuing efforts and ways to become involved can be accessed via The Invisible War's Facebook and Twitter accounts and through their website that references current petitions and legislative items.

WRITTEN BY: Stacey

Hello there and HAPPY FRIDAY!  There's lots of exciting events coming up where BARCC is involved.  We encourage you to participate and help us to raise awareness about the issue of sexual violence and the fact that it touches so many people's lives.

First off, there is an Empowerment Day for Women and Girls this Saturday, Jan 19th from 9am-1pm.  Councilwoman Ayanna Pressley will be present and there are four fantastic workshops to attend: BARCC Survivor Speakers' Bureau, Casa Myrna Domestic Violence Overview for Providers, GirlsLeap Mother-Daughter Self-Defense Workshop, and an Intro to RAD by Boston Public Police.  Resource tables and the Clothesline Project will also be present.

Check out the FB page to find out more details.  We hope to see you there!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Walk for Change 2013 Registration is OFFICIALLY OPEN!!!  The registration price is currently the LOWEST price it will ever be - only $13 dollars!! The catch is that this price only lasts through Jan 22nd  so register today and join us on April 7th.  We are looking forward to an even bigger, brighter, and sunnier walk than last year.  Before you know it, winter will be over and it will be walk weekend.

“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world...would do this, it would change the earth.”
― William Faulkner

As many are aware, a 51-A is a report that is filed when a mandated reporter suspects any wrongdoing or harm to a minor. Recently, Rosie’s Place, a well known homeless shelter for women in Boston, decided to hold a march from the state house to the DHCD building, in order to file a symbolic 51-A on the DHCD. This symbolic filing was in response to how the DHCD treats emergency housing for children. The DHCD mandates that families (including those with small children) prove that they are homeless before they are granted shelter. This proof ends up taking many dangerous and completely unacceptable forms for these families. From sleeping on the streets, to their cars, to train stations, these families are being forced into dangerous situations simply to prove that they are homeless enough to deserve shelter. This directly puts children in harm’s way, therefore creating a need for this 51-A to be filed; even symbolically.

Having never attended a march, I did not know what to expect. I was nervous going into it, and was a bit scared. The only “marches” I’ve really seen end up on the news with people being handcuffed or tear-gassed. I had no desire to go down like that, so I was trepidations when I was told that I was going.  When we got there, it seemed like a small turnout. We waited a bit, and the numbers grew quickly. As the numbers grew, the passion in the air grew along with it. The fury, desperation, excitement, and uncertainty of our reception, was almost palpable in the atmosphere.

We were given pamphlets with facts, numbers, the desired outcome of the march, and several “battle cries” that we would chant while marching along our route.  Right at 12:15, we were given instructions over a bullhorn, and the marching began. Shadowed by cops, garnishing intrigue from tourists and business people on their lunch breaks, we marched. We lifted our voices, meekly at first, and began our decent from the State House to the DHCD headquarters on Congress Street. As we went on, and looked around at the passion and desperation in the eyes and the voices being lifted for this cause, and began ourselves to feel the atmosphere, realize that it was less about our discomfort or nervousness, and more about the cause….we began to chant….and mean it.

One might question why BARCC would have been at a march for the cause of homelessness. Isn’t BARCC about counseling those who have lived through sexual violence? Absolutely! Unfortunately however, sexual violence is often a catalyst for homelessness. Case management at BARCC is greatly comprised of helping victims find suitable housing after their attacks.  Finding housing, especially for those who have suffered sexual violence (as the DHCD does not include these victims with domestic abuse victims when it comes to priority housing status), has proved to be one of the toughest tasks that case management deals with.

So, marching to file this symbolic 51-A was extremely important for BARCC, Rosie’s Place, and every single man, woman and child who have ever needed emergency housing. Please find out more about this cause, find out how you can help, and make your voice heard. Only by lifting our voices loud enough, can we hope to make a difference.

Writen by: Kara, a case management intern

2013 is barely started, and already it's been a tough few days for those of us who care about issues of sexual violence. But there was a bright spot in Massachusetts today as Governor Deval Patrick signed a new bill into law. The bill, S. 2402, is An Act Relative to Housing Rights for Victims of Domestic Violence, Rape, Sexual Assault, and Stalking provides important and incredibly meaningful protections to survivors. 

One thing we've heard from survivors for years is how important having safe, stable housing is to their healing. Indeed, new research bears out that this is true even at a physiological level.

In situations where survivors have had to leave their homes, they've often run into financial and legal barriers, even when staying in their home has proven to be unsafe. Many survivors have also faced discrimination from prospective landlords when the landlord found out about abuse or violence in the past. This bill provides survivors with rights and protections while also protecting the rights of property owners. A few key components of the bill include:

• allowing survivors to terminate a lease early without a financial penalty if it's no longer safe to stay in their current home following violence.
• protection from discrimination in future housing if they have experienced violence or abuse.
• a provision that allows survivors to have their locks changed to increase safety.

Two BARCC staff--Director of Client Services and Advocacy Stephanie DeCandia and Senior Case Manager Clare Namugga--have worked tirelessly for several years to translate the experiences and needs of BARCC's clients into concrete provisions and legislative energy around this bill.

There are a number of MA legislators and officials who deserve thanks, and you can use the links to contact them:

• Governor Deval Patrick, for signing the bill into law
• Lt. Governor Timothy Murray, chair of both the Governor's Councl to Address Sexual and Domestic Violence and the Interagency Council on Housing and Homelessness, for his leadership on the issue of housing remedies for survivors.
• Senator Cynthia Stone Creem and Representative Ellen Story, the bill's lead sponsors for their unwavering efforts on the bill's passage.
• Senate President Therese Murray, Speaker of the House Robert DeLeo, Senator James Eldridge, and Representative Kevin Honan.
• Sheridan Haines, Executive Director of the Governor's Council to Address Sexual and Domestic Violence for her many years of work and advocacy on behalf of survivors.

As with much of our work, we are stronger when we work in collaboration with those who share our concerns and purpose. The passage of this bill was also the work of a dedicated group of advocates and community partners in the Safe Communities Coalition. In addition to BARCC, that coalition includes: AIDS Action Committee of Massachusetts; ACLU of Massachusetts; the Gay Men's Domestic Violence Program; HEARTH; Homes for Families; HomeStart; Jane Doe, Inc.; Massachusetts Citizens for Children; MA Commission on the Status of Women; Massachusetts Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (MSPCC); Mass Union of Public Housing Tenants; On the Rise; UAW Regional CAP; the Victim Rights Law Center; and the Women's Bar Association of Massachusetts.

Please note: We will be updating this post with the names of all the MA legislators who supported this bill. If your legislator is one of them, please take some time to thank them for their support.